Sex is a way of knowing

I think that is one reason that sex is so fascinating to me. It is a way to really get to know people. And a way for me to deepen my knowledge of myself.

Sex is a way that I continue to learn and test my physical capacity for pleasure, for pain, for blending the two. I learn my limits. I learn what my body can do. I am thrilled by those discoveries. Some of my favorite sexual moments have not been orgasm-centered but rather have focused on extending some capacity of my body. The excitement of discovering some new capacity, the, “wow, I didn’t know I could do that!” moment precedes the physical pleasure of the “oh yes that feels good” moment.

Sex is a way that I learn about my mind. My fantasies, my desires, my hesitations, my fears, all these are exposed through sex.

Sex with other people, sexual interaction, is thrilling because it is thrilling to discover what turns people on, how they communicate what they want, how they express pleasure, what they’re afraid of, how they fantasize and how they feel about their desires.

When I have sex with someone for the first time I am often very forward but I don’t want to “run the show.” I want to know how people will interact with my passion, my energy, with whatever I put out there. It’s like dance. I want to know if I move this way how will you move? If I say this what will you do? Then how will I respond? I want to know what you want and how you can make me feel. I want to know how you will react to the exposure and vulnerability and power of sex and how I will react to your power and vulnerability.
And the people I most want to have sex with are people who somehow stimulate my curiosity or who are just so good at something that I can’t help but be turned on. In that way, too, sex is a way of knowing, of learning. Or rather, knowing and learning is, to me, often very sexual. Some examples:

A few days ago I was watching someone enter data on a DOS machine. I’d never seen anyone do this before. There was a series of numbers and letters on the screen that looked like gibberish to me and yet this person pointed out some lines of numbers and read it as if it written in English. I was instantly turned on. I know he can’t teach me how to write DOS statistical programs by having sex with me, but now I am curious about him in a new way. It’s as if the part of my mind that is stimulated by new curiosities is the same part of my mind that sexually stimulates the rest of me.

Another example: Connversations with people who are clearly passionate and expert in a field will often turn me on, if they capture my curiosity. I can remember this happening with a brilliant lawyer when talking about constitutional rights, with a historian when talking about medieval Europe, with a labor organizer when talking about arbitration rules, with an engineer when talking about machine vision. The criteria seem to be that the conversation center on something about which I know little about, that I become curious about it through the conversation, and that the person to whom I’m talking is both expert and passionate about the subject.

Knowledge is a turn-on. Skill is a turn-on. People doing what they’re good at are sexy. This is why long-term monogamy seems so potentially limiting to me.

There is always more to know.


Filed under public discourse, sex, sex -- kinds of

3 responses to “Sex is a way of knowing

  1. nigel25

    Of course the challenge of long-term monogamy is finding new dimensions to your partner over time, and reveling in the dependable pleasures that you know you share. Perhaps it’s cliche, but lovers can be like books. There are some books that I can read over and over always finding something new in them. There are other books that I’ve read over and over not because I see new things in them each time — I don’t — but because they are just always enjoyable. Long-term monogamy could be like that for people who are consciously committed to it: a source of dependable pleasure and evolving explorations. (That said, the book analogy is a weak one because I really can’t imagine having only one book with me for the rest of my life.)

  2. Cryogen

    You bring up some interesting views, and I have met people like yourself, and I too feel similar to you. I do feel that sexual activity is an intimate way to get to know one of the facets of someone, and it is extremely interesting way to do it. I thirst for the same knowledge about people simply because it fascinates me myself. One thing I’ve learned about monogomy, is that there is a much deeper connection than just gaining knowledge about someone. When I was going through experimental stages sexually in my life, I ended that period of time feeling empty, and emotionally worn. There is alot of BS, and emotional stifling that I had to do as a result of living a casual lifestyle, it just left me wanting something MORE than all that, and today I have it. I often think what it would be like to be able to go “experimenting” again, but if that meant giving up what I have now, I dont think I would. But, and there is a but to this point, is that what is stopping someone from having BOTH? The deep connection, and being able to experiement with people sexually…I have yet to find people that are comfortable with that in my travels, but I do know it exists. Perhaps that sort of relationship is something for you…there is no black and white when it comes to love, you just need to find someone that fits you.

  3. LH

    Sounds like you’ve really got your Sexual antenni drawing you out into some delicious futures.
    Try this one: “Sentics, the Touch of Emotion”- Manfred Clynes- 1976. It’s about the dynamics of the experience & communications of emotions/feelings/sensations, as WAVEFORMS that can be subjectively tuned-into & experienced; “surfed” even. Add this “surfing” to Sex, and you get Sex that flows & combines with ecstatic feeling-waveforms, rather than clogging with clenching struggles & blocking knots of deadening tensions. Want to REALLY experience a person? Have your brain trace feeling-waveforms with them during Sex! And if you’re lucky, (which is to say, the guy doesn’t cum..) for a few hours, what you get are these unending & Deliciously Ecstatic Feelings; that merge and flow and Unify with the Sexual Ones; which is really “Nirvanic”! (And a great place to explore a Lover!)