It was lovely meeting you today. Thank you for such lovely conversation and witty banter.

Phil – aka Boymeat

I live in the UK where we have a terribly hypocritical attitude towards sex. Men ogle topless page 3 pictures of teenage girls in the tabloid newspapers whilst the average person blushes if you say “orgasm” or “vagina”.

I think that it’s impossible to say that any sexual behavior is, in itself, healthy or unhealthy because any sexual behavior can be performed in ways that are dangerous. Heterosexual penis-vagina intercourse has health risks associated with it, can be rape if done unconsensually, and can be a source of abuse. Yet it isn’t generally those things. So I guess I’m a little confused by what you mean when you use the word “healthy.”

I do think that the kinds of sex acts you mention, BDSM and sex with animals, can be done in ways that are relatively safe. I don’t think the desire to do them is bad or wrong.

For me, it’s a lot easier to say that about BDSM then to say it about zoophilia because BDSM is something I enjoy parts of, where zoophilia causes me to confront my own internalization of social taboos. One resource that helped me think about zoophilia from a different perspective way was “Profile of a Zoophile: Bill Brent Interviews Clive Grace” in Russ Kick’s Everything You Know About Sex is Wrong. And one of the best introductions to BDSM that I know of is Patrick Califia’s Sensuous Magic: A guide for adventurous couples.

1. Is consensual sadomasochistic sex, wherein you physically injure your sexual partner, a healthy behavior?

2. Is sex between humans and animals (such as dogs, horses, sheep, etc.) a healthy behavior?

Now I read your short answer in which you said that neither of these practices should be stigmatized. To me that implies that you think they are healthy, non-harmful behaviors. Am I wrong in that inference?

A simple yes or no answer to my questions will be just fine. But if you would care to elaborate on your reasoning that would be great. I like to try to understand why people hold to the opinions they do; and so I would love to hear your thoughts on the matter.

I look forward to your answers to my questions. Thanks!

While I see your statements that you weren’t “claiming healthiness for practices” and you are doing your best “not to evaluate consensual practices”, I ask you to please address those aspects of my questions in your extended answers.

Specifically do you approve of the listed practices?
And do you believe they are healthy practices? One can infer that you do so believe from your statement that they should not be stigmatized. But I would appreciate an explicit answer.

I look forward to reading your extended answers. Thanks.

(And recall that I wasn’t claiming healthiness for practices, but arguing that people should not be stigmatized for consensual sexual practices. I am doing my best not to evaluate consensual practices.)

So, short answers:
1. I do not think consensual BDSM should be stigmatized.
2. I do not think abuse can ever be consensual. (BDSM is not abuse precisely because it is consensual.
3. and 4. are questions I’ve been reading about because they touch on my own sense of taboo. I do think that sex with animals can be consensual when the animal is not prompted, rewarded or punished to try to alter its behavior but is simply given an opportunity and takes it. I do not think that people who enjoy this should be stigmatized.
5. I do think there are reasons that people consent, as adults, to circumcision and that this should not be stigmatized.
6. I do not think extreme body modification should be stigmatized.

I do think these are all examples of practices that should be discussed openly. I do think that the possible outcomes or effects of the practices should be discussed openly. I think in an environment that fosters such discussions, people are best able to make informed decisions.

In general, I think we do more for our communities when we try to understand each other and approach each other with compassion rather than with condemnation.

1. Is it okay to physically injure your sexual partner if they consent to the injury? Is consensual sadomasochistic sex a healthy behavior that should not be stigmatized?

2. Along that line, is it okay to psychologically abuse your sexual partner if they consent to the abuse? (For example, the henpecked husband or the fearful wife.) Is consensual psychological abuse in a sexual relationship a healthy behavior that should not be stigmatized?

3. Is consensual sex between humans and animals (such as dogs, horses, sheep, etc.) a healthy behavior that should not be stigmatized?

4. On a side note, can sex between humans and animals be considered consensual?

5. Do you approve of consensual penile and clitoral circumcision? Is it a healthy practice that should not be stigmatized?

6. Do you approve of the extreme body modification of the sexual organs? For example, one such practice is for a man to (voluntarily) dissect his penis to evert his urethra for direct sexual stimulation. Is that a healthy practice that should not be stigmatized?

I have many more questions along this line. But your answers to the ones above will at least begin to satisfy my curiosity about your stated position to a large degree. Thanks for your answers and for the interesting blog.

http://cassandrababbles.wordpress.com/2007/07/08/you-curved-the-chocolate-bitter/

I am writing from Kolkata, India. Have a couple of wordpress blogs, the one you arrive when you click my name is overwhelmingly poetic, but here is where I deal with ideas on sexuality more, if you kindly have the patience of browsing through my pages and posts you will understand. But warning, it is too poetic (not academic)!

Have another blog, very underwritten, where I wish to bring up such issues later:
http://oninthough.wordpress.com/

Wishes and regards

Yours is, by far, the MOST deeply intellectual blog that I have read.

It is one of those that I *DO NOT* read, at times, while at office, as then I get lost in thoughts regarding the topic. The topics are, usually, oh-so-globally-topical!!!

Keep the good work up!

Regards.

Ra.